I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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