there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
