i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
