Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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