constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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