sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
