at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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