we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
