I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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