If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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