I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
She needs sedatives and a leash
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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