i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
