Her vagina should come with caution tape.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
