Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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