I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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