it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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