does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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