I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize