just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
