I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
