i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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