why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
