Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
