were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
