Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
