he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
