ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
