just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
