would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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