help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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