ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
