The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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