She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize