from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
