I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
