You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
