he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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