So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
