Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize