I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
