Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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