Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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