I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
