Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
