think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize