No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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