she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
she told me i tasted like america
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
