Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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