Too much gin, very little bucket
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
