so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
