I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
When did angry sex become our thing?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
