So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
