All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
