SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You ruined the universe
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
