Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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