Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
