as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
