saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
