He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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