I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize